It's Time to Say Goodbye
by TobiasHawk1
Summary: A sad fic around the Renora/Team Sloth ship. R&R's encouraged and welcome. "You either die a writer of heroic fluff, or live long enough to see yourself become the writer who kills off half an OTP." Warning for character death, slight drug abuse and general grief.


"R- Ren? Wake up, buddy. Wake up... You've gotta wake up now, okay, Renny? Please? Come on… We beat the Grimm! And Jaune and Pyrrha and I are probably gonna wanna celebrate with some p- pancakes and some- someone's gotta make th- them. And I pro- promised n- not to eat any- an- anyone else's pan- pancakes rememb- ber? Remember, Ren- ny?" He looked so peaceful, lying on his back on the grass, like a toy that'd been dropped there by some giant baby and left behind. He looked… broken.

"Nora, I-" Jaune reached out towards me. I smacked his hand away, trying my hardest to keep my focus on Renny.

"NO! Get offa me!" I had to help Ren up!

"_He's probably just hurt… Or asleep..._"

"R- Ren! Reeeen!" I started to shake him, trying my hardest to wake him up. Even as the blood pooled around his head and made little patterns against the grass, I kept shaking him. I wasn't going to stop until he opened his eyes, no matter how long it took.

"He's f- fine! He's gonna be- be fine. He's _always_ okay! Even when I broke- broke his t- toe with Magnhild or when I ja- jammed his wrist in a door or when I-" I wasn't really sure who I was trying to talk to, but my I felt my throat close up and it got really hard to talk at all. The world started to get really blurry, like staring out of a window covered in raindrops.

I didn't stop shaking him.

Normally it only took him about two shakes every morning to wake up, he was always _so_ happy to see me. But, I remembered there was this one time when we were little and he didn't wake up for a whole forty shakes because I'd kept him up all night the night before talking about ponies and horse races and cowboys.

_53\. 54. 55. 56…_

I'd shake him a million, bazillion more times if it meant he'd open his eyes and look at me.

"L- look at me... Ren, look at me... _Renny! Open your eyes and LOOK AT ME!_" I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was warm and gentle. I wanted to push it away, I didn't care whose hand it was. I didn't, though. Too many raindrops were falling down the window and I could barely see Ren's face. I wiped them away on my shoulder, not wanting to take my hands off of him.

"Nora, I'm sorry…" Pyrrha was always so nice. So sweet and loving and caring and gentle. She knelt down beside me and wrapped her arms around me. I normally _really_ like hugs. I didn't like _this_ hug. I didn't like what this hug _meant_. Ren would know what to do-

"_Reeeeeeeeeeen!_" I couldn't do anything but scream and cry.

I buried my face into his chest for the last time, the rusty smell of too much blood already covering up the sweet, flowery scent of lotus petals, fresh ink and brewing tea that followed him around wherever he went.

* * *

Headmaster Ozpin was nice, he told me I wouldn't have to go to classes for the couple of days before the funeral. I spent those days in Ren's bed. It didn't rain once, always bright and sunny and cheerful, and the sun took _forever_ to set. It was everything _I_ didn't feel, and the laughing and happy conversations that drifted in through my closed window only made me even sadder. _I _was normally one of those loud, happy, cheerful voices. I hadn't been since…

Whenever I started to feel gross from sitting in one place for too long, I'd take a cold shower before climbing back in bed. I don't think I ever left the room once that week. I don't know when I realized that Jaune and Pyrrha were bunking in Team RWBY's dorm, but I was glad they were. They'd come over a few times a day to check up on me or bring me food, they never asked to talk though. That was nice, but I hated it whenever Pyrrha came in. She always looked like she'd just finished crying. At least Jaune always came in with a smile, even if it was really, really obvious it wasn't a real one. They never brought me pancakes either, something else I was glad about.

The days just kinda all mushed together. A lot of crying and sleeping and not much else in between. There _was_ one time I heard a knock on my door and I didn't get up. Pyrrha and Jaune always had their Scroll if they wanted to swipe in and I'm sure Ren had his key on him, so if he _did_ wake up… The door started to open.

"R- Renny?" I had to be sure. I didn't want to take the chance he'd leave if he saw the lights off. The door stopped opening for just a second, and I almost had enough time to get my hopes up before he answered.

"Miss Valkyrie?" It was Headmaster Ozpin.

"_Oh…_" I shrunk beneath Ren's sheets, wanting to cry all over again.

"_How'd I get my hopes up again? I'm such an idiot._"

"Miss Valkyrie?"

"I- I'm here, Headmaster Ozpin, sir…"

"Ah, I see." He walked inside, his even strides were weirdly quiet. Professor Goodwitch was with him too, about half a step behind him. They didn't turn on the light as they closed the door behind them. I was really thankful for that. Then they sat down on the bed beside Ren's. _My_ bed technically.

They were quiet for a really, really long time. They just kinda watched me with this really apologetic look. It made me feel like a sick puppy trapped in a pound they couldn't bring home. I'd always asked Ren if we could have a puppy…

Headmaster Ozpin started with clearing his throat.

"Miss Valkyrie… We were just stopping by to see how you're doing. However, if you wish to talk-" Professor Goodwitch put her hand on his knee quickly to get his attention. She shook her head, looking into his eyes. Ozpin nodded to her and stopped talking.

"We've prepared cookies for you. Your friends assisted us with selecting your favorite flavors. We have sugar cookies, cinnamon and double chocolate chip. These were baked using the finest recipes our chefs know." Professor Goodwitch set the plate she'd been carrying down on Ren's sheets. They _did_ smell very nice. _Actually,_ they smelled almost like the ones Ren-

I'm not really sure why I started sobbing. I guess it was all way too much, way too fast. They made it over to me right away arms hugging me so tight.

"Oh, child… oh darling, you're okay, you're okay," Professor Goodwitch whispered softly while I cried into her shoulder. She had a very nice, loving voice when she didn't have to be so strict. I just wished it was a different voice I'd heard. Ren's voice...

She kept telling me I was okay. That things would be okay. That _I _would be okay…

I wasn't too sure.

* * *

"Renny is- _was_... a really super, awesome person. He's always really quiet, and s- sometimes he feels- _felt_… sorry. Sometimes he _felt_ that- that people... d- didn't really like him because he... was such a wallflower. But _I_ like him. He w- was always a really amaze- amazing friend to me. Ev- ver since w-we were really little, he _was_ like a big brother, a father and a best frie-… I… I'm s- sorry." The paper in front of me was too hard to read and I couldn't remember anything I'd written down. It was like the tears were trying their hardest to wash everything away.

They'd told me to try not to cry. You're not supposed to show emotion when you're standing in front of hundreds of people wearing all black. It might make them _feel_ something.

There were so many people. Teams SSSN, RWBY, and CFVY. The professors and the rest of my team took the front row that was _supposed_ to be for his family. We _were_ orphans after all… A lot of other faces I was too sad to remember. I looked back at the box he was in. He was wearing this dark black suit I _know_ he hated. He didn't like wearing anything too dark because it didn't make his eyes look as pretty. I told him that in sixth grade and we went shopping _that day_ and we found the best shade of green and-

"Renny! Ren, _wake up!_ Ren! Ren, wake up _please!_" I rocked his shoulder as hard as I could. He _had_ to get up! The game was over, they were gonna put the box in the ground soon, and he wouldn't be able to come out when they did. He'd be trapped there, forever. Like a time capsule.

_"_REN! PLEASE!" Ruby and Blake were always so fast. They reached me first, and hugged me so tight I couldn't shake Renny anymore. I felt more arms wrap around me. I never felt the arms I _needed_, but I let him go anyway. I looked into his face again.

His eyes were closed. He looked so peaceful, almost like he was just taking a nap and any loud noise would wake him up… I remember trying. I remember screaming so loud I'd coughed up blood all over Neptune's suit- it was red so there wasn't much mess, and Weiss is so good at cleaning... I remember being hoarse for almost a week afterwards, even though I hardly ever talked. They said I blew out the speakers, Headmaster Ozpin would pay for the replacements, of course. I didn't care. I would've given anything to see those eyes open one last time.

_One last time._

* * *

I went back to classes the day I got my voice back. Jaune and Pyrrha had tried to stop me and get me back into bed. They even called Headmaster Ozpin who said '_that won't be necessary, Miss Valkyrie_' in what I thought was the nicest voice he could. I didn't care, I _wanted_ to go.

I could tell everyone was being extra nice just for me. A few teachers even announced homework that I'd missed would be counted as extra credit. That was really sweet of them.

Yang and Sun even tried to make jokes during lunch. They went back and forth making little jokes about Professor Port's stories or the rumor that Dr. Oobleck kept alcohol in his thermos instead of coffee. I'd heard them all before and they weren't super funny now, but I could tell they were for me, so I smiled anyway. It felt like the normal thing to do, and I _wanted_ everything to be normal. If I tried hard enough, Ren would come down from the dorm, sloppily dressed and hungry, like he'd overslept and missed class. Maybe a little dirt on his black suit and in his hair, tired from the long walk to Beacon. But he'd smile when he finally saw me.

_He'd be fine._

* * *

The blades of wet grass beneath my feet felt like I was stepping on a huge sponge. I walked to the patch of dirt that was in front of the giant gray rock sticking up from the ground. Jaune, Pyrrha and I had passed hundreds of rocks just like them, but _this_ one was special. Ren's picture was there, leaning against the grey stone. There were even tons of flowers- roses and lilies and cute blue flowers I didn't know the names of- but I knew he wouldn't like most of them. He only had eyes for _one _flower.

Jaune and Pyrrha left their lotus flowers by Ren's picture. Jaune rubbed the smooth rock as Pyrrha hugged herself. Her breath came sharp and quick, like she was trying really hard not to cry. I really hoped she didn't cry. I didn't want any tears watering the grass that would grow on Ren's patch.

"_No tears. Only rainbows, sunshine and summer rain."_

They finally left after just a few minutes. I think they tried to be quick because they knew I needed to speak to him.

"Just call if you need us," Jaune said softly, putting a hand on Pyrrha's shoulder as he led her away. I nodded quickly before moving towards Renny's rock, and I waited until I couldn't hear Pyrrha's sobs anymore before I started talking.

"Hi, Renny." I sat down in the spongy dirt, not worrying about dirtying my skirt. The box he was sleeping in was right under me. I decided I wouldn't mind if he came out while I was talking, even if it would _really_ scare me.

"Um…" I tried to think of something to say. I really, really tried, but it was just so hard to talk when I couldn't see his pretty pink eyes or tired smile.

"I…" The tears were starting to come again. I quickly wiped them away with the back of my hand, but that only made it _worse_.

"_Where do tears even come from? They're so big, like ghosts that live in your head and only become real when they touch the air outside your eyes, and turn into little bubbles of salty water-"_

"Ren?"

"_Are you listening? You've never let me cry alone."_

"Ren!"

"_We've never been apart for so long. It's been a bit more than a week and the longest we've been apart was a few days when I got lost-"_

"Renny!"

"_Renny. I'm crying. Please... help me. Don't leave me like this. This isn't fair! This can't be happening, you _have _to be okay!"_

"… Ren?"

It was dark before Jaune and Pyrrha finally came back, and they'd brought Yang, and Yang brought Bumblebee. I'd never been on a motorcycle before- I'd always wanted to, but Ren just worried so much about me… She let me wear her helmet, and the feeling of being an astronaut zipping through space made me feel a little better.

"_He shouldn't have to worry anymore."_

* * *

I started to do schoolwork again.

"If an Ursa's armor plating is 6.79 inches thick, how many Newtons of force is required to break it? Would you be able to produce the force necessary?" I was never any good at math or physics. I never really cared enough to get these questions right. Mostly because the answer to the second question is usually always "yes." I would just smash the Ursa until it broke, I didn't care about armor or anything, and neither did Magnhild.

"_Ren is_ _good at math. Maybe I should ask him for help- oh…"_

I had to beg the Professors to let me do more hands-on work again. They didn't think I should. "It might be dangerous to get back to strenuous activities while in stress," every professor I asked said the same thing. I didn't care, I just wanted to hit something.

"You know you don't have to resume-"

"Open the crate please!" It was the third time Professor Port had tried to tell me I didn't _have to_ do anything else in his class. I remembered overhearing Sun and Neptune talking about me automatically getting an A in all of my classes because of my 'situation.' I didn't care.

Professor Port sighed loudly, tugging at his mustache before drawing his weapon and aiming the blade at the lock.

"Begin!"

I jumped back before I realized it was another Boarbatusk. It was small and looked like it didn't have very thick armor, but it was already rolling at me, ready to try to hurt me.

I didn't give it a chance.

I brought Magnhild down, _hard_. My friends told me I'd killed it after the first hit.

"_Shattered it's armor like china and crushed it,_" I overheard Weiss say during lunch.

I didn't know. They said the second hit flattened it.

"_Squashed it like a bug. It never even had a chance,_" Jaune said quietly.

I didn't know. They said I started crying again after the third hit.

"_Is she going to be okay? I've never seen her cry before,_" Sun said.

I didn't know. They said it was unrecognizable after the fourth hit.

"_It looked more like a stain on the ground than a Grimm,_" Pyrrha whispered softly.

I didn't care. They said Professor Port held me after the fifth hit.

"_She kept trying to swing at the Grimm. She's lucky Professor Port stopped her, she probably would've cracked through the floor and ended up in the room below us,_" Neptune said. I didn't care.

_I didn't care._

I. Didn't. Care.

* * *

"Nora. We're all here today because we care deeply about you and your well being." Headmaster Ozpin was the first to speak. Jaune was next to him and the rest of my friends were around the room with us.

_Well… not _all _of my friends._

"Yeah, Nora. We're really worried about you. You haven't been yourself…" That was Jaune. I was a little bitter he'd decided to pick _now_ to be a good leader.

More like _very_ bitter.

But they all had really nice things to say. They were all really sweet and kind, especially Pyrrha and Ruby.

"All of Mr. Lie's friends have been to counseling but you, Miss Valkyrie. We believe it's time you went. It might help you during these troubling times."

I just nodded at Headmaster Ozpin's little speech. Renny hates when people called him 'Mr. Lie.'

"_That's my father's name_," he'd say. I think he heard someone say that on tv, but he'd _never_ admit that. He likes to keep a good joke going. Even when he was being so very quiet he was still funny. I like that about him.

"Nora?" Ruby tried to get my attention. I'd spaced out again, staring past everyone. I guess I was trying to look for him through the familiar faces. I had a habit of doing that often.

"Okay…" I just wanted them all to leave me alone. If I couldn't find Ren in rooms full of friends, I had another way I could speak to him. Sometimes, when I would fall asleep, Ren would come to visit me in my dreams and we'd talk until I woke up. I wanted to ask him if he really did get that line from tv. I'm sure he did, even if he wouldn't admit it.

* * *

Now I had to get a note from the Counselor every day before class. Her name was Professor Wheat and she was a blonde lady with yellow and brown hair. She'd only give me the note if I talked to her a lot.

"How're you feeling today," she would ask me. She _always_ asked me if I was okay. I learned really quickly that saying 'no' would usually prevent me from getting the note.

"I'm okay, I guess. I'm a little tired…" I yawned into my sleeve. I don't remember when I stopped wearing my own clothes. I just never felt happy enough to get them on in the mornings. I'd started wearing his shirts under a big sweater he'd bought me. I would've worn his pants too if they weren't so long- they were just the right shade of pink. My hair would be a mess most days, too. I guess _I_ was a mess most days.

"Is it from stress," Professor Wheat would ask.

"No… from waking up so early to get here." I don't know why I was so angry with her… I guess I was angry with a lot of my friends without meaning to. We had to talk for 45 minutes before it was time for classes. It was basically another class for me. She gave me the note that day, but told me to get some rest when I finished with classes.

Sometimes, though she wouldn't give me the note.

"How're you feeling, Nora?" She called me 'Nora' a lot. Not 'Miss Valkyrie' like Professor Goodwitch or Headmaster Ozpin or any of the other professors did. I guess it was to make me more comfortable. It usually worked, but some days… Some days I didn't want to _be_ Nora.

"…" I'd just woken up from a pretty dream about running with Ren through a field of flowers. There were daisies and lilies and big, giant lily pads in the river. He held my hand and it'd all felt so real. I wasn't really ready to talk.

"Nora?"

"…"

"I can't allow you to go to class today if we don't talk. You know this… please." She sounded desperate. Like she wanted me to go to class just as much as I wanted to. I just couldn't do it.

"…"

"Let's try again tomorrow…"

Those days I just tried to sleep. Ren would always be waiting for me.

"Ren! How've you been! I haven't seen you all day! Are you okay? I missed you." I ran up to him and hugged him _so _tight. I could smell the flowers on him and maybe if I held on to him when I woke up, I'd bring him with me.

"I'm okay, Nora." His voice was so nice. I nuzzled into his chest and he was so warm and his heart beat so strong against his chest. He was as alive as he'd ever been, and _I could touch him again._

"You've got to wake up," he whispered softly. I tried to ignore him.

"I've just been laying in bed all day like a super lazy sloth. I think if I stay here any longer, I'll grow fur all over and long, sharp claws and I can live among them in the treetops forever. Wouldn't that be fun?"

"Yes, but you have to wake up, eventually Nora." He started to pull away, but I kept my arms around him, hugging him tight against me.

"Do you think it'll be fun living in the treetops? It'll be like always living in a treehouse! Wouldn't that be awesome, Renny?"

"You _need_ to wake up."

"_Shut up_, Ren! You don't know what you're talking about! _You_ need to wake up, I can't leave you here alone, Renny! You can't leave _me_ alone out there all by myself! You can't! You promised! _YOU PROMISED!_"

"Nora, you have to wake up-"

"NONONONONONONONONO-"

"Nora! Nora!"

I opened my eyes and was surprised by how dark the room was. Jaune had his hand on my shoulder, Pyrrha was behind him crying her eyes out into her hands.

I sighed, got up and went to take a shower. I didn't thank them. They ruined my time with Renny.

* * *

It almost two months before Team JNPR was assigned our next mission- Forever Fall forest. We were still Team JNPR… even if the R was silent now.

"Nora, are you sure you want to come? You can stay back… Pyrrha and I-"

"It's so pretty out today. It's barely rained in months… You think maybe we'll find some lotus blossoms out for Renny? I'm sure he'll really like having them, he always likes how pretty the petals open up. He says it's like origami." I munched on a cookie I'd taken with me.

"I'm sure we'll find some on the way," Jaune said softly. Pyrrha looked like she was near tears again. She was starting to become a bit of a crybaby. Maybe something happened? Like she got a bad grade on a test or something?

"_Pyrrha would hate that."_ I wanted to hug her and tell her it would be okay, but Jaune was in between us and I didn't want to make it awkward. Ren had made me promise not to get in between Pyrrha and Jaune. Probably because Pyrrha had the hugest crush on Jaune, and Renny and I had been trying everything we could to get her to talk to him. Or… maybe it was because _he'd_ wanted to be next to _me_ all the time? I dunno.

"_I'll ask him later."_

* * *

"Nora, look out!" We'd walked into a Beowolf pack. They'd set a trap; we'd tried to avoid a group of three we thought hadn't seen us, and walked into the whole angry, snarling pack. They were really smart like that. Ren could usually tell when he was being led into a trap, he probably could've warned us.

I looked over my shoulder and realized I'd been separated from Jaune and Pyrrha. We'd run into a _huge _pack and they were both so far from me. It felt like the Grimm were trying to keep me away from them and single me out. Like there was something they wanted from me. It didn't matter though, I didn't need help.

I held Magnhild in hammer form, and fired grenades as I swung her in a giant circle around me. Any Beowolf caught in the path got smooshed to pieces.

I hated these things. I hated everything about these stupid Grimm creatures.

I stopped swinging Magnhild and sent two of the beowolves flying with a single grenade. Their arms and legs flew off their bodies as the rest of them sailed away. They'd never get back up. Just like Ren.

I hated them. I hated everything about them. It was because of _them_ that Ren was gone. It was _all_ because of _them_.

"Leave. Us. _ALONE!_"

I was a sweating, panting mess by the time the last few beowolves finally turned to run away. I wanted to chase them, but I was just so tired, my legs wouldn't work. I fell on all fours, looking all around the forest to make sure nothing would sneak up on me. I realized I'd made a little clearing around me from all of my fighting. There were no more trees in a circle maybe twenty feet around me.

"Nora? Are you okay? We should go back," Jaune tried to help me get back up. He was covered in scratches and bleeding a bit from his nose, but I could already see the white light of his Aura healing the worst of it up.

"Indeed. Are you alright," Pyrrha asked me. _She_ looked fine. Not a hair out of place. I always wondered how she managed to be so _perfect._

But _right now_, I was angry at them both. I wanted to yell at them for letting those last few beowolves get away. We were _Hunters_ and we were supposed to kill these Grimm so that they wouldn't kill other people. I didn't though. Ren doesn't like it very much when I yell.

They helped me up to my feet and I wiped the blood off Magnhild on the grass before fixing my hair.

"We should get a move on," I said quietly, before taking a few shaky steps deeper into the forest.

They didn't have much of a choice. They had to follow.

* * *

We didn't find many lotus blossoms in the river on the way back, but I made sure to take the prettiest one we found.

Pyrrha and Jaune went back to Beacon; I went to go see Renny instead. There were already little blades of grass growing out of the dirt patch that covered him and the box he was in. It made me a little happier, knowing that there was finally some green there.

"_I'm sure he's happy about it, too._"

"Hey, Renny! Look what I've got for you!" I skipped the last few feet to his rock before sitting down on the new grass.

"I found it in Forever Fall! There were _so_ many beowolves but we took them all down like bang-bang-crash!" I placed the lotus right against the big, grey rock.

"Here lies Lie Ren," I read the words scratched into his rock. "A young hero. A great friend. A quiet sloth." The last line wasn't _actually_ there, but I think he'd like it to be.

I sat on the patch of dirt for a long while, trying to think of something to say. I never had to think about talking to Renny before, it always just _happened._ It was never hard or weird, no matter what we ever talked about. Now… it wasn't as easy without his pretty eyes.

There was only one thing that came to mind.

"You know... it was really dumb for you to jump out in front of the claw like that, Renny."

I looked at his picture, it was still there, where I'd left it. I wasn't sure if someone was supposed to take it home or something, but I just didn't want to move it. It helped me imagine I was really talking to him.

"You didn't _have_ to do that. It was _really_ dumb." Renny didn't answer me. It felt like he was being quiet and waiting for me to stop talking so he could try and comfort me.

"No, no, no, I know what you're trying to do and I'm not going to let you! _You're_ the reason I'm so alone right now. This is _your_ fault, not mine! _You_ jumped in the way! NOT ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! _THIS IS YOUR FAULT!_"

It was another Deathstalker, but it was _huge_. We tried to take this one out the same way we took out the one during our first test. Slice off the stinger, smash it into its armor. But I tripped. I was flat on my butt- _but just for a few seconds!_ I could've easily rolled or cartwheeled or something. _Anything!_ I would've been _fine! _But _Ren_ jumped in front of the claw. He held it back with his Aura- he was always so strong. I guess he forgot about the second claw.

It squeezed him so, so tight. He never screamed, even when we heard a giant '_crack!'_ It all just happened so fast, it was like someone flipped a switch and one second I was with Ren and the next, I was alone… forever.

"_I HATE YOU!_ I HATE YOU SO MUCH! YOU'RE JUST- JUST… UGH! _I'M GLAD YOU'RE GONE!_ YOU _NEVER_ LET ME DO ANYTHING FUN! YOU ARE THE MOST _BORING_ PERSON _EVER_ AND I _HATE_ YOUR STUPID PINK EYES- THAT'S A _GIRL'S_ COLOR! AND I HATE YOUR _HAIR_ AND I HATE YOUR _VOICE_ AND I'M GLAD I'LL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN! _I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I __**HATE**_ _YOU!_"

Jaune said I was still screaming by the time he came to pick me up. I remember walking away from Ren and his stupid rock as fast as I could when he did. I couldn't stand the quiet anymore.

* * *

I'd started sleeping in my own bed again, on the furthest edge I could from Ren's bed. I wasn't _really_ sleeping most nights- Ren would be waiting for me in my dreams, like always, and I didn't want to see him.

I didn't get my note a lot those days.

"But I'm talking to you," I said angrily. I'd been taking all of my anger out on Professor Wheat and I didn't know why.

"Nora, I understand you are talking to me, but what you're saying is-"

"Is the _truth_! I don't _care_! I just want to go to class! I came here to learn to be a Huntress, not to sit in my bed all day! You can't tell me what to do!" I wanted to get up and hit her.

"I'm not telling you what to do. I'm recommending which action is best to take... Nora, why not try and get some sleep, you look exhausted."

"_NO!_" She looked like I actually _did_ hit her.

_"Good."_

"I can't sleep! He'll be there! I don't _ever_ want to see him again! I hate him!" I kicked her trashcan and it sailed across the room before crumpling against a wall like paper. I was scared it might go through the wall, but Beacon was built to teach Hunters and Huntresses with tons of different Semblances. I remember Glynda once said that if the walls weren't explosion proof, then Beacon would've been Dust a few years after it was built.

"Does this only happen while you sleep," Professor Wheat asked me softly. She reached to the table in between us and grabbed a tissue from the tissue box before handing it to me. I didn't realize I'd been crying, but I was too angry to take it. She set it down after a while before asking me again.

I tried to think… there were some times I'd see him in the hallway or in the library reading a book. Sometimes I'd see him in class in an empty seat. I knew he was watching me and I pretended not to notice until he went away.

But it was worse whenever I was by a flower. It was like he _knew_.

"Nora?"

"N-no…" I didn't want her to not give me the note. I didn't want her to think I was _crazy_. She didn't believe me. I could tell. I wasn't a really good liar, anyway.

"What does he do when you see him?" She sounded really concerned. I felt really bad for screaming at her.

"He's been really quiet now. He knows I'm ignoring him and he's waiting for me to stop so he can wrap his arms around me and give me a big hug so maybe I won't be mad anymore. I won't let him. I'll stay mad _forever_ if I have to." She nodded slowly, and scribbled something down in her notepad. That normally meant something bad.

"We can do a few things about this. I can prescribe you sleeping pills, so these dreams won't bother you while you're asleep. And then you can continue with our regular therapy sessions and we'll discuss how to interact with him while you're awake. Would you like that, Nora?" I nodded back, really grateful for her advice. I really wanted to get some sleep.

* * *

I was supposed to take two pills right before bed, but I had to get a schedule so I would sleep at the same time every night and be able to wake up on time in the mornings for classes. That's what I was _supposed_ to do, but I took three just to be _sure_ Renny wouldn't be able to bother me. _And_ I took three before my naps in the afternoon, just to make sure he wouldn't find me _there_ either.

If I wasn't in class or doing homework, I was sleeping.

_"I really am becoming a sloth."_

I didn't even notice when Jaune and Pyrrha moved back into our room. The pills were the biggest help I'd ever had since… well, whatever.

I got back into classes, started doing my homework again- I even managed to beat up an Ursa in Professor Port's class without crying!

Then they ran out.

"I've gotta get some more pills, Jaune," I said, getting ready to leave our dorm.

"Nora, I think those were supposed to last longer-"

"I'm fine Jaune, you don't have to worry about me." I was starting to get angry at _him_ too. He was always _worrying_ about me.

_"I'm fine. I don't need anybody worrying about me anymore."_

"But, Nora-"

"Jaune, does Pyrrha know about those special drinks you make early in the morning? The ones you don't drink while you're around her?" It was a mean thing to say, but I didn't _feel_ like being nice. Plus, he's too young to be drinking alcohol _anyway_ and he could get into _tons_ of trouble with Glynda if he got caught. Jaune bit his lip, and I walked out of the dorm.

I had to walk waaaay across campus to get to the nurse's office. I told her what I needed, and she refilled the bottle with a fake, painted on smile.

_"Why is she smiling so much? What is she so happy about?"_

"Are you sleeping okay, honey," she asked as she handed me the bottle.

"Yes. I'm sleeping fine." I took the bottle back and turned to walk away.

"Say thank you." The deep, familiar voice was just so familiar. I'd never questioned it before, and this time I listened to it without even thinking.

"Thank you!" My eyes widened as I realized _he _was behind me. I glared at him, his bright pink eyes were always just high enough above mine I had to crane my neck a bit to see them. I looked away as quickly as I could and walked down to the cafeteria.

_"I'm not gonna let him bother me."_

* * *

_"Nora, you look beautiful," Ren said softly as he twisted the last braid into my hair._

_"Are you sure, Renny? The dress isn't too poofy? I don't wanna look like a poofy princess for prom! I wanna look _hot_!"_

_"Nora…" His lips tugged upwards into the beginnings of a smile._

_"Okay, Renny. You look good too, bucko." He looked amazing. He was wearing a dark green suit with gold cuffs, and a pink tie that matched his eyes. I really hoped that we'd rent a hotel room after the prom and I'd get to help him take it off._

_Signal prom. _Our _prom. Ren had never wanted to go, but I didn't want to miss my first prom! I whined about it at the beginning of the school year, and he'd started putting away as much money as he could before finally asking me to prom the month before. He was _so _romantic._

_"Are you ready," he asked me. He had the smallest smile on his face that only reached the edges of his lips. His eyes were so bright pink, and his hands were so steady as they slowly left my hair and smoothed a ruffle in my dress._

_"This… is… happening!" We sat with our friends and talked for a long while. It was the last party some of us would ever have together and we said goodbye to a lot of good friends. Then it was time for "pictures with your date."_

_"Ren, come on! We're gonna be late!"_

_"Nora… you're not my-"_

_"Renny. I'm your date for the night. I'm your beautiful princess and you're my dapper prince and we're gonna take our picture together! Okay?"_

_"... okay, Nora."_

_I fixed his tie, grabbed his hand and walked him over to the cameraman._

_"Put your arm around her waist. Tighter. Tighter kid. Hug your girlfriend."_

_"She's not my-"_

_Ugh, he's so cute, but he was gonna ruin everything!_

_I leaned up on my tippy-toes and smooched him, right on the lips._

_The camera went off with a flash and I could feel his heart racing._

_"Next!"_

_We won Prom King and Queen an hour later. I jumped excitedly as they called our names, I was just so happy. They even gave us crowns and everything!_

_"Did you have a fun time," I asked him during the last slow dance of the night. I was looking up into his bright pink eyes again and I could see he was looking down at me with just as much love as I was looking up at him._

_"Yes… yes I did, Nora…"_

* * *

I woke up crying.

"_They _promised _he wouldn't bother me while I slept!"_

I was so upset… I took another pill to help me get through the night.

That's when I started taking four pills a night. Then five.

I was out of _this_ bottle a lot faster this time.

"The pills aren't working," I finally told Professor Wheat. Renny had bothered me three nights in a row and I couldn't get back to sleep.

"Hmm," she looked up at me like a deer caught in headlights.

"You promised the pills would help me stop seeing him at night but I see him more than ever, now!" I was just so upset about everything. He was ruining my grades, and making it hard for me to get back into my classes. She nodded before looking down at her notepad.

"I see here you finished your first prescription nearly a week ago."

"Yeah?"

"Those were supposed to last you until next week, Nora."

"I-I… I dropped some." It didn't sound like a lie when I said it in my head. Professor Wheat nodded again. I decided I didn't like that nod. It felt like she was _accusing_ me of something.

"Maybe if they were stronger, I wouldn't have had to take so many," I crossed my arms and looked away. She was making me angry.

"Nora, those were the strongest medications I could prescribe to a minor-"

"Well they're _not_ working anymore," I yelled angrily. She sighed, and looked down at her notepad for a few seconds before grabbing her Scroll. I could tell she was texting someone, but I couldn't see who. She got a reply right away.

"Can you we wait a moment," she asked softly. It really wasn't a question.

I nodded anyway.

There was a knock on the door about five minutes later and she got up to answer it. Headmaster Ozpin, Professor Goodwitch, walked into the room, followed by Jaune and Pyrrha still in their pajamas.

"What's going on?" It was weird for so many people to be here. I didn't _want_ Jaune and Pyrrha here. This was _my_ time to talk about Ren and I didn't want them here to listen. It was hard enough talking about him to adults like Professor Wheat- at least _she_ didn't cry when I said something kinda sad.

"Hello again, Miss Valkyrie." Headmaster Ozpin placed a giant pile of cookies on Professor Wheat's desk just like the one he'd brought me before Renny's funeral. Professor Goodwitch followed behind him and put a pitcher of cold milk right next to the pile. I looked to Pyrrha and I could tell she was already so close to crying. It made me mad.

_"Why is she always crying? What happened to her?"_ I tried to look at Jaune and ask him why everyone was here, but he was staring down at the ground, like he'd done something wrong. He was specifically avoiding _my _eyes.

"Miss Valkyrie, we've heard you're having some trouble-"

"I'm not having any trouble." I said quickly.

_"I'm fine."_

"-with handling your grief..."

"Who said that? Jaune? What do _you_ know?" He rolled his shoulders like he was trying to brace himself before saying something. Like he was afraid of what would happen if he said what he was thinking of saying.

"That's the problem, Nora. I'm your teammate and your leader and I don't know you anymore. None of us do… You're not who you were anymore, and you won't let anyone in to try and understand who you are now." He wrapped an arm around Pyrrha's waist, who was really trying to fight back her tears.

"Look, if you don't wanna give me the sleeping pills, fine. Forget I asked-"

"Miss Valkyrie, the irresponsibility of your actions will not simply be _forgotten_." Professor Goodwitch looked _angry._ I'd gotten so used to her treating me like she was a concerned mother, I'd forgotten just how strict she could be.

"Mr. Arc has informed us that you've been abusing your latest prescription to an even greater extent-"

"Oh? Do _I_ need to tell _you guys_ how _Mr. Arc_ has been abusing-"

"Everyone in this room already knows about my drinking problem, Nora." Jaune had tears in his eyes, but he still wasn't backing down. He looked stronger than ever, actually.

"And he's allowed us to help him. The only help you've allowed us to give you, you've abused, Nora. Why are you taking your pills like this? Why are you-"

"Because they're not working!" I shouted as hard as I could, not even realizing I was standing out of my chair. Why was that so hard to understand?

"They're sugar pills." Headmaster Ozpin's voice was always so smooth.

"Wha… what? What are sugar pills?" They really _didn't_ taste like sugar.

"Placebos, Miss Valkyrie. I refuse to allow a student to harm themselves in my school. Any student who is prescribed medication by the school is carefully monitored. If, at any point, abuse of the medication becomes apparent, we'll designate sugar pills to-"

I didn't hear most of what he said. It felt like there was fire Dust inside me, and Ozpin's words were the spark it all needed to finally blow.

I was angry, and they were _all_ going to _pay_.

**"You liars!"**

"Miss Valkyrie!"

"Nora!"

They said I shoved Jaune halfway across the room when he tried to stand in between Headmaster Ozpin and me. They said Pyrrha didn't even try to block the punch that broke her finger. They said Headmaster Ozpin took the punches well before Jaune somehow "restrained" me. I guess he'd been practicing with Pyrrha for a long while now, and I hadn't really been out of my room for training since... They said he didn't let me go until I'd finished crying and finally asked for a cookie. They said I could go back to my dorm and I did. I slept fine, without any pills.

* * *

"Ren… I'm sorry I called you dumb. I didn't mean that." I'd gone to visit his rock for the first time in weeks. The grass was just a little bit longer now, but there were still patches of dirt visible. It was starting to turn brown at the edges. It hadn't rained in almost two months and I guess the plants needed a drink of water if they wanted to grow.

"Why'd you want me to remember the prom? It was so long ago... Did you really like my dress? Or was it the way the stars twinkled that night? Or… was it… the picture?"

He was quiet, as always. I ran my fingers through the crunchy grass and dry dirt.

"I should've hugged you longer… I should've told you…" I watched his rock for a long, long time before I remembered a song I'd made a few years ago. It was _our _song, just for us. I'd never sung it to him because I was always so scared to tell him how I felt, but now…

"Never knew a time, when you weren't by my side. The one thing I could always count on…" I got through as much of the song as I could before I started crying. And then I tried to sing some more.

I'd never told him how I felt and now that I was trying to sing my heart out to him and tell him everything _he couldn't hear me_.

_"This isn't fair!"_

"Nora?" I looked behind me, tears in my eyes and saw someone with black hair walking towards me and Renny's patch.

"Ren! Oh… h-hi, Blake…" She came over to me and hugged me so tight. It was already dark when I'd finally stopped crying.

"Are you ready to go," she asked a few minutes after I'd finally pulled away.

I looked at the big, gray rock and sat back down in the dirt.

"No…"

She sat down next to me, facing Ren's rock.

"… you think maybe he knows we're here?" Blake was a really quiet person, almost as quiet as Renny. She didn't answer me, but I pretended that she was talking to me anyway.

"…"

"You ever hear the story of Snow White? How the princess was just sleeping until the prince came and kissed her and she woke up? You think maybe Ren will wake up if I kissed him?"

"…"

"Maybe if I'd just told him how I felt about him, he would've died happier? Maybe he'd have a reason to come back…"

"…"

"I was a terrible friend to him… I always took advantage of him. He worried so much and I took him for granted… it was my fault I was in the middle of that pincer, I shouldn't have tripped… if- if only I didn't trip…"

"… you aren't to blame for an accident, Nora. We live in a dangerous world. Casualties happen all of the time. Ren knew the risks, and still wanted nothing more than to be by your side. Right now… I think he'd just want you to be happy."

"I can't… I'm so lost without him… I'm like a jelly sandwich with no peanut butter… all soggy…"

We were quiet for a really long time. It was really late before I was finally able to leave. I wasn't angry anymore. Now I was just… really, _really_ sad.

* * *

The Counselor gave me my note almost every day now.

"You're a lot more talkative today, Nora," she said as she wrote the note. She looked up into my eyes, and I can tell she was just a little worried.

"Yeah… I… I just really want to go to class today. Catch up on everything I missed. Ren said-"

"Was this another dream, Nora," she asked softly.

"Y- yeah…"

"Would you like a tissue?"

"I- I…"

I managed to stop crying just in time to get to class.

* * *

The color green. Any shade of pink. The smell of warm tea brewing early in the morning. And lotus flowers…

Those were just a few things that always made me want to cry.

I'd spend nights sleeping with him, either on his bed, in my dreams, or by his grave. I'd finally gotten used to the word "_grave."_ It always sounded so ugly, like a spiky, slimy ball in your mouth whenever I said it.

I'd lay there for hours until someone came and got me. They all took turns to pick me up from the cemetery whenever I left. Sun and Neptune never came alone though, usually with one of the girls. I guess they were afraid they wouldn't be able to handle me crying. I cried a lot, now. More than Pyrrha did.

I'd apologized to her and she just cried some more. I ended up crying with her. I think I finally understood _why_ she'd turned into such a crybaby over the past few months. The day the grass finally filled in entirely over his patch, Weiss came to pick me up. She didn't come often, but I'd go to the cemetery almost every day.

I'd visit as often as I could…

_"I need him to know how much I care."_

"... When did I start to fall… for… you?"

I just wanted him to know- I _needed_ him to know. Even as I made sure not to water the grass with my tears and cried into my hands.

"Boop..."

* * *

One night I woke up really late from another dream. I got up as quietly as I could and went to go wash my face. Tears are really sticky when they dry. But when I walked back into our dorm, I saw that Jaune wasn't in his bed. Pyrrha was sound asleep, curled up tight with Ruby's puppy Zwei, but Jaune was gone.

It wasn't too weird not to see Jaune in the room- sometimes he left during the night to go to RWBY's dorm, or to jog outside. But now just felt like something was definitely wrong. Maybe I was just paranoid from what'd happened with Ren, but I reached for my Scroll and texted him anyway.

"_Just to be safe."_

{jaune are you okay}

{it's kinda late and we have classes today}

{if you can't sleep i can tell stories if you like}

I sat on the edge of my bed and waited a few minutes before getting a text from him back.

{wre sre you}

{I medded up}

I was normally really good at reading jumbled text talk, but it was too late and I was too tired to try decoding Jaune's texts. I called him instead.

"Jaune, are you okay?"

"Nora… I think I need help," his words came out all slurry and garbled. I was a little worried.

"I… I'm drunk again… I can't find my way back. Please don't wake Pyrrha." I chewed at my bottom lip and looked to her sleeping on the bed. She'd probably start crying again if she heard about him.

"I'm coming to get you. Tell me where you are," I whispered quietly as I tiptoed out of the dorm.

"I… don't know… I'm under a tree," he growled softly before I heard him throw up. It was gross and wet and I could hear it slapping all over the ground.

"Should I start walking to Beacon Tower?"

"No, Jaune. Stay where you are. I'll come get you." I jogged down the stairs as fast as I could and left the tower. It was cold outside in just my jammies, but I didn't have enough time to worry about it.

"_I have to find him before he hurts himself."_

I was lucky, and found him only a few hundred feet from the entrance. He looked dizzy rocking back and forth on all fours, and he'd definitely just finished throwing up again. There was a pile of bottles twenty feet away from him. I guess that's as far as he got before he got lost.

"Jaune? Buddy? It's me, Nora. Your friendly neighborhood Sloth." I crouched down and rubbed small circles against his back. He started to throw up again when I did that, but nothing was coming out. His whole body squirmed as he tried to throw up on an empty tummy. He looked like he was in a lot of pain, and there wasn't much I could do to help him.

"Jaune, I'm going to call Yang and Team SSSN. They can help us," I whispered softly. He didn't respond as he tried to throw up again, and I was starting to get scared. I called right away, and Yang picked up her phone on the second ring, which was really weird considering the time of night.

"Nora, are you okay," she asked sleepily.

"Uh, yeah, I'm okay. I need help, though. Jaune had too much to drink and he's throwing up really bad. We're outside Beacon Tower and-"

"Call the boys, I'll be right there."

"Okay, Yang. Please hurry," I asked before hanging up. I found Sun's number closest to Yang's in my address book.

"Uh, what's up Nora? Need something?" He sounded really nervous, and I could hear Neptune, Sage and Scarlet talking to each other in the background.

"Jaune had too much to drink. I called Yang and she's on her way, but-"

"Oh, thank Dust," Sun sighed loudly. I was really confused, and wasn't sure why he'd be relieved to hear something like that.

"He's really hurting, Sun-"

"We're already on our way, Nora- Scarlet can you _please_ put some pants on? Make sure he doesn't lay down and he should be fine until we get there."

Yang and SSSN all came at the same time. Most of SSSN were shirtless, and I was pretty sure Yang was only wearing underwear under a big sweater, but I didn't care. I rubbed Jaune's back until they made it to us, the watched as they took over.

"Come on, bud. We'll have you fixed up in no time," Sage grunted loudly while throwing Jaune over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Be careful with him," Yang said worriedly, running behind him with a hand on Jaune's forehead, checking his temperature. They were all gone, almost as fast as they'd come, and it took me a few minutes before I realized I was all alone. I gathered up all of the alcohol bottles he'd drunk and threw them away, trying my best to feel useful before walking back upstairs to my dorm. I cried a lot that night, too.

* * *

Six months. Six months of tears and sadness and loneliness all smooshed together, each day feeling like it lasted forever. I visited his grave _every_ day. I slept there some nights until Yang or Sun would get me really early in the morning in time to get me to class.

Six months before Jaune finally managed to stop drinking.

Six months before I finally ran out of tears to cry.

Six months before Headmaster Ozpin called me down to his office to tell me that I could join the rest of Team JNPR on a special mission.

"Are you sure you're ready for this, Miss Valkyrie? This mission is extremely important not just for the academy as a whole, but for your team as well." I'd heard upperclassmen say that if he doesn't sip his coffee while he's talking to you, it means he considers the conversation super _duper_ important.

"I think so, sir. I won't put my team in danger like last time..." Apparently my sadness and anger was what had attracted all of those Beowolves to us last time. It was one of the reasons the professors had tried so hard to get me to stay in my dorm and let Jaune and Pyrrha do the mission alone.

"If you're certain," he said pointedly, pressing a button to officially add me to the roster for the mission.

"I am… and I'm really sorry about hitting you before… it was really mean-"

"Think nothing of it. I've taken my fair share of beatings throughout my career as a Huntsman..." He had the smallest smile on his face, that only reached one corner of his lips. I decided that I really liked Headmaster Ozpin that day.

* * *

Jaune, Pyrrha and I had been walking all day, killing every Grimm that came our way. They didn't try as hard to separate me from my team anymore, but it was obvious to them that I was still the saddest out of the three of us.

After a few more hours, Pyrrha pointed out a clearing up ahead.

"I think we're here, Jaune said as he looked at his Scroll. The little red point on the map was just ahead of us.

We walked into the clearing and I could hardly speak.

"Where… where are we?" A river cut through the clearing and curved back on itself, and hundreds of lotus blossoms bloomed in the bend, caught there by the current.

"Why are we-"

"Headmaster Ozpin said he thought this place would be somewhere you needed to go," Pyrrha said softly.

I was already crying, hugging myself tight as I looked around at all of the flowers. All of the prettiest flowers bloomed by the edge of the river, like they were all there waiting to be picked. The clearing was just so beautiful. Ren would've-

I cried for hours.

Jaune and Pyrrha held me so tight.

I didn't feel the arms I _wanted_ around me.

But I felt the arms I _needed_.

They helped me pick as many flowers as we could from deep down by the roots, so they'd blossom wherever we planted them. I think the walk back was the first time I'd smiled in nine months. The first time I had ever been anything close to happy.

_"I'm going to be okay..."_

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

"You'd never guess what we did today, Renny! We fought a bunch of wanted criminals! We took down Roman Torchwick and it turns out _he'd_ been working with this really pretty but _super_ evil lady named Cinder Fall and her and a couple other kids at Beacon were actually the ones who'd been stealing all of the Dust in Vale! We took them all to jail and I heard Headmaster Ozpin talking to General Ironwood that Teams RWBY, JNPR, SSSN and CFVY are gonna get a prize! Maybe the key to the Kingdom? I wonder what the key to the kingdom can do? Do you think maybe there's a giant lock somewhere and if you put the key in it, you can become Supreme Ruler of Vale?"

I listened to the whispering of the grass. The lotus flowers that blossomed in the marshy ground over Ren's grave were a lot quieter than the grass around it.

_"Just like Ren would like."_

"Nah… I doubt it. Then they wouldn't give the key to anyone, would they? But guess what! When they announced us all as heroes, Pyrrha got so excited she kissed Jaune! _Finally,_ right? Jaune looked so surprised, it was the cutest thing ever! I hope they're happy together." I watched his tombstone, reading the lines scratched there for what must've been the millionth time.

"Oh! I finally got the tattoo I've been telling you I was gonna get. Remember? The lotus flower on my back, that looks _just_ like your insignia. Because you've always watched my back, and you always will. Right, Renny?" It was so quiet in the cemetery, but it helped me imagine his face and his fuchsia eyes and maybe even a couple loose strands of hair. He'd always cared so much about how he looked, that seeing him with a couple loose strands was a gift.

I sighed and kissed his tombstone, rubbing it for good luck before I turned to walk away. I wouldn't be back until next week, and I didn't want to leave him for so long without a goodbye kiss.

"Oh! You know… I was watching tv the other day. I found out what show you stole that line from. I knew I'd find you out eventually, Renny. _Oh!_ And I _finally_ found out what sloths sound like today. We went to the zoo after the ceremony the babies sound _so_ cute! But you were right, they _don't_ make a lot of noise. I was _totally_ off."

I smiled at his patch in the ground and waved.

"I'll see you later, Ren. Take care."

_"I love you."_


End file.
